Sunday, September 6, 2009


I've given myself a bit of homework to do recently; don't let my anxiety rule my life. It's a hell of a lot harder than I thought it would ever be.

I'm a homebody. I like to be home with my family and animals (I think I'm becoming a crazy cat lady), in my room with my soothing candles, in my bed with my comfy linens. I like to be surrounded by what is familiar and soothing to me. I'm the type of person who carries everything she might possibly need in her purse, just in case. It's who I am, and because I've let my homebody self rule my life, I've really really become anxious about going on trips or sleeping over my boyfriend's or friend's house. Instead of thinking of all the fun I would have, I think instead of all the possibilities of things going wrong. I could be in a lot of pain, my stupid stomach could act up and cause some embarrassing situations, the bed might make my pain worse, I won't have my comfort movies or TV shows that I record, etc.

It's tough. Especially when it starts affecting my relationships with other people. Particularly when I just got into a new routine where I go to bed much earlier than my friends and boyfriend. I also don't get to be surrounded by all of my pillows that ensure that I don't twist and turn resulting in a very sore, grumpy Jenn.

I know I'm making a bigger deal out of this than I should. People do it every day. And heck, I'm not even going to be away for more than 24 hours. I tell myself that and it seems to only make matters worse. I swear I'm slowly becoming more and more of a hermit. But I'm going to do it, come hell or high water.