Sunday, September 6, 2009

Anxiety

I've given myself a bit of homework to do recently; don't let my anxiety rule my life. It's a hell of a lot harder than I thought it would ever be.

I'm a homebody. I like to be home with my family and animals (I think I'm becoming a crazy cat lady), in my room with my soothing candles, in my bed with my comfy linens. I like to be surrounded by what is familiar and soothing to me. I'm the type of person who carries everything she might possibly need in her purse, just in case. It's who I am, and because I've let my homebody self rule my life, I've really really become anxious about going on trips or sleeping over my boyfriend's or friend's house. Instead of thinking of all the fun I would have, I think instead of all the possibilities of things going wrong. I could be in a lot of pain, my stupid stomach could act up and cause some embarrassing situations, the bed might make my pain worse, I won't have my comfort movies or TV shows that I record, etc.

It's tough. Especially when it starts affecting my relationships with other people. Particularly when I just got into a new routine where I go to bed much earlier than my friends and boyfriend. I also don't get to be surrounded by all of my pillows that ensure that I don't twist and turn resulting in a very sore, grumpy Jenn.

I know I'm making a bigger deal out of this than I should. People do it every day. And heck, I'm not even going to be away for more than 24 hours. I tell myself that and it seems to only make matters worse. I swear I'm slowly becoming more and more of a hermit. But I'm going to do it, come hell or high water.

8 comments:

  1. i know what ya mean...we are alike in a lot of ways...i find myself sometimes letting certain things overpower my thoughts..i have to work real hard at not getting so caught up in my worries and just let some things be....i understand you all the way...nice post...:)

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  2. I can relate to many of the things you mentioned in your post and it' a big responsibility - for a husband or a boyfriend!!! Because they HAVE to accommodate our little aches and pains because they are part of us. If you boyfriend accepts you the way you are - RELAX, you're in good hands! :)

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  3. I really can relate, I always thought I would end up as a crazy cat lady. Even though I have a Fiance, I am well on my way. I prefer to stay inside, I have 3 cats, would love another, love to stay under blanket, etc. I do find being in a relationship to be very stressful, I work better on my own. But, we love them. It's hard.

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  4. hi! thank you so much for stopping by my blog. i really like yours! i totally hear you about the anxiety/stress thing. i wish i had some good advice. i'm still trying to figure it out for myself. :)

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  5. Hi,

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  6. Hi Jenn,

    Thanks so much for your post on my blog today. I was so happy to hear that my post about going back to grad school spoke to you and I feel relieved to hear someone understands the boat I'm in right now.

    I can definitely relate to this post too - I've always been a homebody to some extent, but more and more as my pain has increased. It makes sense, really. We don't need to be more uncomfortable than we already are, right? It's easier to stay in familiar situations. But I like your spirit and it sounds like you see the benefits of not becoming a "hermit" too. Keep doing what you're doing and don't be hard on yourself for being a "homebody". You're in good company :)

    Thanks again for connecting with me!

    Maya

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  7. Hi Jenn!

    Thanks so much for taking the time to read my Chronic Badass article...it's much appreciate! You're quite kickass yourself :) I've actually got a t-shirt in the works that's applicable to all chronic illness battlers. It's going to be a black t-shirt with white writing and a colorless awareness symbol. It'll say "Chronic Badass" on the front and "Keep Fighting" on the back. We've got it being sent off to print so I'll let you know when it's up and ready to buy and wear!

    Promise me one thing though....you'll take a picture of your badass self in it? I'd like to have a collage of all of the brave soldiers who are fighting courageously every day. You're all inspiring. <3

    Keep doing what you're doing!! And be proud.

    <3
    Candice

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  8. i think you have to make a pact with yourself or it will spiral out of control it has with me... once every two weeks-get out by yourself for at least half a day if you can...

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