I Dreamed a Dream

Has your disorder or disease ever stopped you from fulfilling your dreams or aspirations? I'm sure it has. I just spent the majority of my evening listening to and watching musicals. From the time that I was a wee little one I've been in love with musical theatre. There is nothing more magical than watching someone perform onstage. Ever since I was little I've always wanted to be a part of musical theatre. I was in dance classes, choir, orchestra, and plays. As injuries progressed each aspect was slowly cut out of my life. As I got older the pain would worsen and it would take longer for my back, wrists, and neck to recuperate. I would have loved to have focused my life on musical theatre, but it's not realistic for me to pursue that because of my phsyical condition. My body would not be able to take the rigourous lifestyle that would come along with it.

It's a tough pill to swallow, knowing that because of your health, you are not able to chase after your dreams, whether it be a music or dance career, an athlete or firefighter. All of these wonderful professions demand so much of your body and realistically you cannot have that occupation and physically okay.

Lately I've been really struggling with this concept. Living a life based on what my body can safely do. I want to be able to do all of the things I've dreamed of, the things that I am mentally and emotionally capable of doing. It stinks sitting on the sideline and watching those do what you've so desperately wanted to do. And this goes beyond a career choice. I hate basing my everyday decisions, such as going out with friends, or going into NYC, or going to party, on my health and how I'm feeling that day. It sucks, plain and simple.

There is a magnificent show currently on Broadway called In the Heights that talks about Latinos finding their place in the world and in their community. Some characters wistfully think about what their life could have been like if they or their parents stayed in their native countries, while other characters wish to get out of Washington Heights to move onto better things. I relate to it because I'm a sick girl living in a society where health and wellness are so greatly valued.

Do I suck it up and trek on or do I sit and take care of myself and potentially risk missing out on fun and important things? How do I balance being "sick" and being "normal"? Where is my place in the world?