My Most Hated Phrase: "We'll See"

We'll see if I feel up to it. We'll see if I can make it to (insert event here). We'll see, as long as I don't have a doctor's appointment. We'll see if the medication isn't making me drowsy, sleepy, or slow. We'll see if I'm not in pain after my menial chores or errands. We'll see if my classes are going to wear me out.

I hate it. I hate the phrase and I hate that I have to say it. It's my own personal clause: Jenn, she'll have to see.

I feel like I can't make even the most impromptu plans anymore. I feel like it's a constant tug-of-war game between my social life and my health. Things I used to jump at the chance to do are passing me by. I'm either in too much pain or my stomach is feeling less than up to an adventure. I can't win.

I miss the days where a friend would call me up to see if I wanted to go into the city (New York City) and I would immediately say yes, excited and ready for the adventure. Now it's a different story. It's bad enough that I'm missing out on cool experiences but I also feel like I'm slowly losing my friends. They don't get it. They can't even begin to conceive the kind of pain I'm in. They don't know what it's like to be in horrible pain day in and day out. So they just don't get why I'm hesitant to go out and do x, y, or z.

I've read other blogs where the writers have said that they've just had to switch things around, mainly having more gatherings at their house. This is a great solution...for someone with their own place and own life apart from their immediate family. It's harder when you're a teenager or young adult. I live at home...a very very small house that barely allows its three inhabitants to breathe. There is no room to have friends over. And my friends are in the same situations, so having a gathering at their house is out as well.

It's hard in this transitional phase of life. We're adults, yet we still live like kids. It's not so great for our social life. Therefore I find myself saying "we'll see" far too often for my liking and it sucks. It really does.